Then, I feel like a fraud. “Allison” isn’t even printed on my birth certificate; it is a corset I had sewn with my own two hands and forced myself to suffer until I could lace myself up in it, until there was a presentable image of myself…
Category Archive: Personal
most nights, I wish the world were ending the next evening. so I might take a train to my younger self and tell her to do us both a favor.
I think we grow up when we start to take on the responsibility of answering that question. Perhaps it’s a question that isn’t meant to be answered. But the process of trying to answer it is what forces us to grow up…
I submitted my application to UKEC on a ruthlessly cold October night for two reasons: first, in hopes that I could throw myself into work to alleviate the excruciating homesickness I was experiencing; second, I had a lot of bones to pick with Malaysia’s progress, and I was done sitting around and waiting for somebody else to do something about it…
After all, if I’m stressed out and have to be working every waking moment, it has to account for something, right? If I have to sacrifice my sleep to write reports and articles, it will eventually pay off, right? If I can’t afford to go out with my friends because I’m occupied by editing and rehearsing, it has to add points to my metric of success, right?
And it sounds ridiculous. And it sounds like a lot. That is a lot for a person to not like about themselves. But I’m not finished. In fact, there are more matches in my matchbox that keep constant my fire of inferiority, matches that I hate…
I lie here under the Indonesian sky. It’s a plain blue, cloudless, not even the slightest wisp; as if the day’s painter had run out of white paint and couldn’t be bothered to restock. I ponder for a slight second if it is right to call this the Indonesian sky; after all, does the sky belong to any of us?
In all 5 ft 6 of me, patience is a scarce resource. It is common practice for me to rush from one task to another, to always think and plan ahead of time and overwhelm myself. Bali did not welcome my impatience; it sought to teach me the opposite…
Eventually, every one of us comes to learn that the way the world spins is not around you, nor me, nor anyone else. The world spins on its own axis, regardless of the speed of the other planets in its vicinity, regardless of whether an asteroid is hurtling in its direction, regardless of how blazingly the sun decides to shine…
The city is big. Yet, not big enough that you would never tire of it. There are two souls who have tried on the city just like new clothes and decided it’s not for them…
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